Hocus Pocus

I was in a nail salon yesterday and this large older woman came in and climbed onto the pedicure chair next to me. She's yakking to the nail tech while techie works on her feet...and I'm not listening to the conversation until she starts talking about a toilet brush...She explains how next week is her 5 year old grand-daughters birthday and the girl has asked for a toilet brush. "I told my son that he could dress it up with glitter or sumthun..."           Wow, this blew my whole day. The idea of some poor kid wanting a toilet brush as if that were some kid of actual gift really depressed the hell outta me. I thought kids dreamed about Justin Beiber or being a  Kardashian (which incidentally, may require a toilet brush, a tetanus shot, irradiation, etc.) but really, if that's your dream, isn't it time to aim higher?? All I could think of was that old quote from Diana Vreeland "People that eat white bread have no dreams"...snotty to be sure but isn't there something seriously wrong with this picture? I realized a few hours later that the kid probably wanted a magic wand and had been playing with the toilet brush instead. If that's all you have to play with I think a magic wand is a perfectly reasonable desire. Maybe even a necessity. But geez! Then get the freakin' kid a wand. Actually buying her a toilet brush? What's gonna happen when she realized the tool she thought could make her dreams come true actually just removes stains from the crapper? That's a harsh reality I wouldn't wish on the shittiest of people....

Land of Oz

Ok, its time for a repositioning of sorts. I can't really write about working in Big Law anymore b/c I don't. I've been furloughed and I'm not going back to the big house. No how. No way. So from now on, its just stories of my new life. Big Law free. I'm off the hard stuff and ready to live clean and semi-sober.

So if you're heard to read tales of big law, moooooooove on. I have. thank freakin' god.

The Bitch is Back!

If you can't stand the heat..blah blah blah. Its too hot for me to care. Texas is hot. Old news yes but not to me. After 10 years living in Upstate New York (yes that is a specific location)...I had had it with gloomy grey skies, with the promise of nice weather without the follow through, with living among depressed people who didn't know they were depressed." What the hell's wrong with you? Nobody promised you a sunny day!"  I'm from So Cal, A sunny day is my birthright. I pulled a Jed Clampett and packed up the Truck and moved to Beverly...or in this case, Austin. I'd been to Austin twice before more than 12 years ago with my husbands band. It was small and sunny with places to swim and great tex mex at every turn. It didn't need 1/2 that to get me here. As a Cali girl, I needed to be in the West but at my current salary, I'd be living in a dog house in So Cal so I had to be somewhere I could afford. And Texas is far enough away from the East coast to be West but not too close to Cali to actually BE Cali. Different is good. New is good. Change is good. I had been eyeing Austin for almost a year. I filled out the 30+ pages to get admitted to the Texas bar and got rejected because I hadn't been a lawyer for 5 of the last 7 years...it hadn't been 7 years since I became a lawyer. I took it as a bad sign. Maybe I shouldn't go/. Maybe I should just dig in where I was, get over the lack of anything interesting, the rednecks, the white trash and go along to get along. But something in my head had been speaking quietly saying 'its not YOU, its THEM" for years. Now it was yelling right out of the Amityville Horror "GET OUT!".... I had been speaking to a temp agency in Austin about a job. I had interviewed and they told me the job I was interviewing for was only short term and the employer, while they loved me, felt uncomfortable having me move out here for a job that probably would only be for a few months. 2 days later I got laid off. I called the temp agency and said I was coming anyway so get me a desk at that job. Gave hubby 8 days notice and started packing. Found a 3 month rental on Craigslist in a town I'd never heard of in North Austin called Jollyville. The name made me laugh. I packed faster. Now I've been here almost 10 months. The time has flown by. I love it. I really do. The heat is a wonder. Every time I walk outside, I am impressed that it is so hot but that's only for 2 months. The rest of the year is downright stunningly beautiful. mid 70s mid 80s, clear blue sky as far as the eye can see. I love the grey green scrub brush landscape, the smell when the wind blows of dry land, sand and canyon. I love the wide roads. I could go on but if anyone is reading this (thanks dad) you've probably already gone to sleep. night.

And now for something Completely Different

So what if I have a law degree? Any of us that have worked at a law firm know that it is a huge group of shockingly sour people. I mean an industry that practically invented the term 'work/life balance' doesn't actually know what it is & seriously resents and punishes anyone who does. Do I want to be like that? I think even that the bitter ones, didn't want that either. Sort of like those TV commercials where the little kids say "I wanna grow up and be a crack whore.."

Now I am in a location with tons of options for someone with a law degree. Technical writer, technical editor, legal writer/editor, teacher, bar coach, web writer or content provider...I could go on & on. And of course, the glamorous in house counsel which always beckons. I mean, who doesn't want to work with people who enjoy life? Who aren't obsessed with making the next generation grovel & suffer like they did?

I'm exploring some other options. My only trouble is choosing which one would be the most fun. Seriously. This is a pretty awesome problem to have.

Listen to your Mother

Just finished an assignment for a new firm in a new town. Wow. It's amazing how different firms can treat you. This place was respectful, kind, and generous. Lovely. Places like that certainly get the best work out of people. Mom always said you get what you pay for and she was right. Be you the payor or the payee, it makes sense. Skimp and be condescending and there will always be a waitress somewhere that spits in your food. Someday that waitress may be you. So treat people right and they will treat you right right back.

I love the karma wheel.

Creeping Charlie

Sooooooo, Mr. Jackass from my last firm has been stalking me. He watches my linked-in page at least once a week. He is the one who booted me from the firm. What in the world could be his motivation to check out my professional page at all? But regularly? Creepy. Get a life, dude.

Sticky Wicket: A contract of adhesion...

So Big flabby law did some lay-offs and I got the boot. As if to affirm their Big Law douche-like nature, they offered me a severance only if I agreed to sign a contract. A hilarious contract. A simple "I agree not to sue you" would have been fine. Non-disclosure, confidentiality, blah blah blah. I would have signed that. But not this. They wanted me so sign away all my rights to any recovery from someone else's lawsuit! They of course, specifically denied any wrong-doing but objected when I did the same. I could go on... The terms were so one-sided, so full of bullying tactics and threats that I laughed out loud on the first read through. This is the kind of paperwork a nationally known firm gives to its own (former) employees? Such a hostile document seemed odd in circumstances where no discussion of fault or cause were mentioned.

Also the fact that they do layoffs with no notice purposely adds additional pressure to signing the document. Don't sign, no severance. Assholes.

I didn't sign.

I may have been a cog in the machine for a year and a half but I walk away away without bowing to the Boies, Schiller bullshit.