It's not that easy being Green

It was a dark and stormy night...no, actually it was a dark and stormy day. And my phone crapped out so I can't watch the Daily Show while I code. Damn. What can I tell you about Cog-life today. Have I gone over BL's prudent money-saving measures? No? Ooooh, I'm so excited to share. Cogs can't use the phone, Xerox or Fax without a customer code. Now the firm generously allots us $5 per person per month toward any personal use of any of the above office machines. Any overages above the $5 mark are deducted from our salary. But be warned. This generous slush fund does not roll over from month to month and has no cash value. Use it or lose it.

But what impresses me the most is the rationing of the toilet paper. Yes. That's what I said. Here in Cog paradise, there are certain kinds of toilet paper holders (no doubt invented by the real-life roll model for Scrooge) which do not allow you to freely pull from the roll. These holders only allow about 1/3 of a roll then stop so you are unable to take more than a few squares at a time. Gotta prevent those Cogs from going to town on all the free TP they can use. I have been in Third World countries with more generous attitudes toward the doling out of toilet tissue.

Now at first I thought this was an environmental consideration. How nice for the Firm to go Green. Silly me. Wrong kind of green. Big Law does not recycle. Not paper, not cans, not glass, not plastic, not cardboard. No matter that recycling is the law in this state. There is a bin for beverage containers with deposits to be returned for the cash. Containers without return cash value go in the trash. Nice! Grab every dollar where you can, right? And if anyone wants to challenge Big Law for refusing to pay for recycling---hey, they have hundreds of lawyers just sitting around dying to write a cranky note to the State. After all, time is money so get off the can Bob Cratchit and get back to work.